| This morning I woke up to something truly delightful and simply couldn't wait to get ready, dig into the word, or to make it to the church for the service - it seems like forever since I've had the opportunity to sit in one because of the nursery. I was taken back by a song we sang at the end - - - back to the floor at Lake Williamson - - - I, at long last, accepted my calling to Officership. It's funny . . . I felt the same way today I did then. Pretty cool. Anyway, that's not what I want to write about. Allow me to share two excerpts with you... "...the highest adoration is not occupied with the recollection of favors received and mercies extended, though they do help one be aware of the true nature of God. There is still, in all such recollection, a remnant of that self-centeredness which it should be the purpose of prayer to escape. In it, we are still thinking of God in terms of something done to "me" or for "me." We never really adore Him, until we arrive at the moment when we worship Him for what He is in Himself, apart from any consideration of the impact of His Divine Selfhood upon our desire and welfare. Then we love Him for Himself alone. Then we adore Him, regardless of whether any personal benefit is in anticipated or not. Then it is not what He has done for us or what we expect Him to do for us, but what He has been from eternity before we existed, and what He is now even if we were not here to need Him, and what He will be forever whether that "forever" includes us or not -- it is that which captivates us and evokes from us the selfless offering of self in worship. That is pure adoration. Nothing less is worthy of the name." -- From An Autobiography of Prayer by Albert E. Day "...The Christian tradition in its vital years picked up something of this sense of the love of God and of trust in the divine ways wherever they lead. From the tradition of Bernard of Clairvaux in the Middle Ages there survives the story of a woman seen in a vision. She was carrying a pitcher and a torch. Why these? With the pitcher she would quench the fires of hell, and with the torch she would burn the pleasures of heaven. After these were gone, people would be able to love God for God's sake. Here, as so often in Hebrew thought, a regard for the intrinsic character of God and of divine trustworthiness shines through. A believer shifts away from a bartering concept in which one loves God for the sake of a transaction. Now there is a relation in which the trusting one is simply reposed in the divine will."-- From A Cry of Absence by Martin E. Marty When I read the story of the woman I had to think hard over whether or not I would love Him still if the fires of hell were no more and all the pleasures of heaven were burned. Would I still love Him if there was no difference if I didn't? If there was nothing to be feared and nothing to be attained? These last few months I've had to face things I've never faced before. I had to own up to some pretty stupid mistakes, had to acknowledge the wisdom I rejected in my immaturity and lack of experience, had to grow from criticism, be humbled like I've never been before, but most of all I've learned to love my God in the truest sense I can think of...Honestly I didn't really learn how, but truly accidentally stumbled upon such a love. I've sat in more silence these last two months then I have, I wouldn't be surprised, my entire life. At first, it was incredibly scary realizing I didn't know who I was...being uncomfortable with myself. Figuring out who I am, why I am, and how I became this has, thus far, been a cool journey...though I know it's just begun. I've been praying for a little while that God would bring to light some mistakes that I made so that I could acknowledge them and really learn from them instead of staying in the same destructive cycle. I thank God for answering the prayer and bit by bit revealing things I can change next time. How I can better heal from the past, serving Him and following His will no matter what people may think...He alone is my Master, Not lying to myself or pretending that things didn't happen or that I've not been affected by them...so many things. I stood for the first time without any plans of my own or expectations of God doing this and that for me. Every time I was in His presence I knew who I was and more importantly who He was. It's a wonderful experience to cease thinking you have a right to be in His presence. After all, "If you, O LORD, kept a record of sins, O Lord, who could stand?" That is my God, but thankfully so is this, "But with you there is forgiveness; therefore you are feared." (Psalm 130:3-4). I love Him like I've never loved Him before. I love Him for who He is and who He is alone. I do not come to His feet because He ought to give me what I need because I'm without, or because I have a God-sized task I cannot do anything with...the entire thing is in His hands, or even because He's revealed sin that needs to be taken care of and only He can wash me clean (though don’t get me wrong I do...must come to Him for these also), but simply because He is the Alpha and Omega. He is my creator. He made the heavens and the earth. He is the God all sufficient. The LORD who provides, the LORD who heals, the LORD who sanctifies, my good Shepherd, my Judge, Holy, Mighty, all seeing, Majestic, Savior, Redeemer, Everlasting, my Shield and my Strength, my Father, Counselor, Comforter, Advocate, my Master who shows me mercy, Love, Life, Truth, my King, I AM. I love Him and I love Him. "When the worst finally happens, or almost happens, a kind of peace comes. I had passed beyond grief, beyond terror, all but beyond hope, and it was there, in that wilderness that for the first time in my life I caught sight of something of what it must be like to love God truly. It was only a glimpse, but it was like stumbling on fresh water in the desert, like remembering something so huge and extraordinary that my memory had been unable to contain it ... I had to be near Him ... I loved Him because He seemed to have made Himself as helpless in His might as I was in my helplessness. I loved Him not so much in spite of there being nothing in it for me, but almost because there was nothing in it for me. For the first time in my life, there in that wilderness, I caught what it must be like to love God truly, for His own sake, to love him no matter what. If I loved Him with less than all my heart, soul, might, I loved Him with at least as much of them as I had left for loving anything." -- From A Room Called Remember by Frederick Buechner |
